How silly I was!!!

‘He’ was leaving for Delhi.

15 aug ’05. A beautiful morning with a feel of freedom for each citizen. Usually monsoon mornings in Mumbai are very charming and energetic. It fills u with joy and brings smile just for no reason. I woke up early and finished my work and incidentally dressed up nicely. I had a look in the mirror, whenever I look in the mirror instant phrase which comes in my mind is “how cute!” Not for me but for the creator. Whenever we praise or curse ourselves it directly goes for the one who created us. I wonder what Aishwarya Rai must be thinking while checking out herself.

‘He’ came to visit his girlfriend, meanwhile he met me too as I was listed in his so called very good friend list. His train was from bandra terminus and I had no plan to go to see off him but somewhere in my heart there was profound desire to see him once before he leave Mumbai.

My mom suddenly asked me if I was going to visit siddhivinayak temple that day. I gave a startled look at her and I don’t know why but replied “yes”
“Who is going with you?” Mom throws the next boll.
“Mickey” I pushed it slightly on cover drive.

Mom satisfied and told me to go early. I went upwards, asked Mickey if she could come with me for the temple. She agreed. And few seconds later had a meticulous glimpse at me, “are you going to meet him?”
My goodness! It seems like everybody is forcing me to go to see him. I remember Paulo Coelho’s beautiful words “when we desire something, the whole world conspires to help us in a way to achieve that” Although nothing was predetermined in my mind, I asked “is it possible? Do you know the timing of the train?”

She nodded. I found a strange smile and started persuading her to come with me. Mickey did not like ‘him’ for some of the reasons but for me she agreed eventually on the condition that Ruchi(my sis)will also accompany us. Now from here we gals started getting late. Ruchi was not at all ready and it was 9:30am. The departing time of paschim express from bandra terminus was 11:30. We had two long hours in hand. Mickey and Ruchi both took about 45-50 minutes to get ready. We rushed towards station. I always get frustrated with the timings of locals in Mumbai. Whatsoever will happen, you can never get them on time. They have decided that they will always run late. We got a train and reached Dadar. We didn't realize the time was almost reaching to 11:30. When you wish time to move slowly, it increases its pace as if smiling at you and wants to make you feel its importance. The time when we reached Bandra, I called up ‘his’ girlfriend. She was crying and said that his train is left. I pretend to smile as if nothing happened. Good friends are like face reader. My subconscious mind was restless, anxious and there was a huge disturbance. Sometimes we really get disturbed for some very silly reasons. I manifested like I’m too cool, and not at all bothered. It seemed as Mickey penetrated my heart and seen every turmoil going on inside. She revealed that its not too late, we still can catch him at Andheri. She told me to call ‘his’ girl again and enquire his bogie no. It was S-3. The next local came and we board the train. At the same time paschim also came, and both mine and ‘his’ train was running simultaneously. Thanks to the speed of locals. They always precede from the mail trains. We arrived earlier. We just rushed upstairs and on the bridge encountered the TTE welcoming us. My vigilant walk made him suspicious, he just hold me back and asked for ticket. My all hopes, my all dreams, my all desires seemed sinking down somewhere. We had no time to take the tickets. Our tickets were up to Bandra only.

We started persuading, apologizing, making endless procrastinations. Like we board a fast train and couldn’t able to get down at bandra and hence ended up landing here. We are getting late, we had to rush and blah blah blah…
He asked for fine. How much?
Rs 260 per head..

A long pause.

Suddenly we had frozen. None had even a word to say.

The TC astounded too, asked “what happened?”
We started giggling now. I gave him a look like saying ‘do we look like a fool or you are kidding with us’

However we just gave up and said, we can’t pay this much. Meanwhile Paschim arrived. The halt was for 10 minutes only. We were on upstairs, arguing with TC, had absolutely no idea which was the way to go to the platform of mail trains.

Finally, I pleaded him, “leave us, we are new here, have absolutely no idea about local trains and getting late”

I don’t know why but he gazed me for few minutes and agreed for rs30 fine. It was so humorous. After bugging us for so long he just asked for Rs30. Nevertheless, we simply had no time to think about anything. We rushed towards the platform. Randomly asking from people the way. I appreciate mumbaikars for revealing the exact way if u ask them. From the upstairs we could see the long endless Paschim express now. The bogie which was visible had no. S-11. For a while a thought came in my mind to sit back at the stairs and not move forward. Mickey came again and said me to take a chance and check out if I could reach up to S-3.

They told me to go alone, and kept waiting at the upstairs. I went down, was tired and wondering what was the force which dragging me so rapidly towards the bogies. S-6,
S-5, S-4, and eventually S-3.

I kept searching each window restlessly. Not found even a trace of ‘him’. With each of the window without him increased my disappointment. Time was too less, running like anything. I closed my eyes….

‘Suchi’ someone called me, and yes it was ‘He’

‘He’ stretched his arm from the window. I ran towards him, I could have certainly hugged him with the immense force if he had not been inside. I hold his hand and took a deep breath. He smiled recklessly as he was totally unaware of what all I have been encountered just to meet him before he leaves.

‘Wait. I’m coming outside”
God, he was taking too much time to come out. I understood the meaning of the vastness of a single second.

He looked at me and started laughing as if I were a Tom and Jerry cartoon.

‘Look at yourself” hahahahahahaha

What crap? Am I looking so funny? I barely figure out sometimes why the guys laugh like a stupid monkey.

But whenever ‘he’ laughs I feel on the top of the world. I was so accomplished and happy that if there had any word which transcends the joy with bliss, I would have used that. I completely lost my senses for those few seconds. The emotions started crossing the boundaries of defence and, with all my efforts I managed somehow to hold back the emotions and started uttering the words of complaining. Quite often guys say that girls are complain box, but they never try to understand that we just complain in order to hide how much we love them. But one thing I must admit, we gals never miss any opportunity to show guys that how much we have gone through just to pursue their silly, idiotic love.

The every scene and every bit of second suddenly hold lot of importance. The green signal was given, and he tenderly touched my cheeks and smiled… “Have to go now”

I felt the warmth...

“Bye, don’t go inside, till I can see u” I almost instructed him

And for this thing I really appreciate guys and be greatful to them. They always respect a gal’s desire, however silly they are (not guys,desires :P). There was no point for him to stand there, neither was he my boyfriend but just for the sake that I won’t feel bad, instead I feel better and delighted he obeyed me.

Each moment of the day is very clearly transcribed in my mind. It wasn’t a very great or something very achievable event but there has certainly something which I can never forget. Be it my foolishness, promptness, eagerness, restlessness. I had experienced various state of mind in the span of just two hours. The rhythm of his laughter, the warmth of his touch, my all anxiousness, my struggle everything evaporated and mingled in the air to remain for ever. Afterwards I met ‘him’ for couple of times but this was the meeting I can never forget for the sweetness embedded in it.

Today when I comprehend the whole situation I could feel that this is what Life all about. One desire something and need to be provoked. A good company to proceed. The uncertanity, anxiety, hurdles, disappointment comes in the path and at some point we refuse to move forward. Then the support from behind and the miraculous grace of holy God gives us strength and at the end of the day we achieve the accomplishmet, joy and freedom. Independence day is merely not a day when we got the freedom rather it says, "Have extreme faith in yourself and u will achieve what u desired, the only requirement is to keep moving forward."